You will not believe who I saw this saw this week; bound hands and feet with five inches thick chains and dragged into hell to join the wailer and ‘gnashers’ ; Mr. Godspower Chidalu, my foster father.
Surprised? Yeah, I did say ‘foster’, it is no mistake. If you are surprised by this second-hand discovery, then imagine the feeling I must have felt on the very day that I lost my mother. It was the most memorable day of my life in its own negative way.
The revelation had been dropped on me with no prior warning; it was a destructive, high impact grenade, shattering my entire being; left me more confused than I ever was my entire life. For more than two decades of my life, I have lived with false knowledge; things I thought I knew ended up becoming mysteries. How on earth do I tell this to people? That I am not who they thought I was? How then do I know I am really Baron by name?
Everything became so vague; so the search for the truth begins...; isn’t that how it happens in movies? A character discovers he is not who thought he is and the quest to solve series of mysteries to uncover the truth begins. Matter of fact, this is real life; leaving everything behind just to uncover your true identity can take you the next twenty years of your life or even more if you are persistent enough to try, so I moved on. In my deepest of thoughts, I wished ‘Mr. foster father’ more hell than we have got here.
Everything felt so right out there in the world, on earth. But right here, your past actions play before your very eyes like a five seconds movie; you will not believe the things you have done. And then I realized it is better to do the realizing in one’s life time than regret in hell.
I ran all the way home that night from the supermarket; the pains on my shoulders and legs from the long hours of standing and lifting of heavy loads didn’t stop me from racing the long distance home. As I jogged, a lot of thoughts ran through my mind; “what could have gone wrong?” I couldn’t think of any, and that got me more disturbed. If only there had been a time Mr. Godspower had called me without there been an emergency of any sort or to drop bad news, I wouldn’t have bothered that much.
Panting, I drew closer to home; the street was dark and lonely, thanks to NEPA. And I could hear my heart thumping and can argue it to this day that I heard the flowing sounds of my heated blood running through my stressed veins. Some meters away from my compound, I heard sounds of people scampering to safety; the vigilante paid to secure the street. The truth is that in the past four months, the rate of armed robbery incidents has trippled, coupled with the fact that about three confraternities are at war with each other and most of the youths in my street are members of one of the three. The sounds of gunshots had become synonymous with sounds of cock crows. One of the guards brave enough to recover from his cowardice flashed his torchlight on me from behind a parked bus and I couldn’t care more. I slowed to a walk; I could hear them snickering and murmurings to themselves.
Inside my compound; total darkness, save for streams of light letting out through the open windows of neighbor’s houses from the kerosene lanterns. I couldn’t wait to clean the sweats on my body, no time for that. On my doorstep, I couldn’t help but wonder; everywhere is calm and peaceful. I could even hear neighbors snoring, fast asleep. “So there wasn’t any emergency in the first place” I said to myself. I had put my running ability and stamina to test for nothing. I knocked on the door, tired and woozy; I felt so faint. The door pulled open almost immediately like they were stationed there waiting for my arrival; now something must really be wrong. Things did not just feel right. I could feel it. A step into the dark room, I could smell death, fear. The coldness of the room that hot night plus the swelling of my head; I was so sure I wasn’t imagining things.
“Why is everywhere dark this…” I began. But the pained voice of my mother shut me up. She was there on the ground in the parlor; she had always slept there from time immemorial. I could hardly see her; just her figure on the two inches mattress on the ground. I quickly rushed to her side and she held my hand tight. Oh good and gracious God! Was she cold? If I didn’t know better, I would have thought she spent at least two hours in the deep freezer. I started to panic.
“Where have you been all day?” she asked slowly. She never expected any answers because she continued almost immediately like she was on a bus to catch up with her next words.
“I must speak to you right away”. She said, cutting me short of words.
“Mama you need to rest” I started to say, feeling so sorry and helpless for my mother. “What happened?” I asked.
“Just be quiet and listen to your mother.” Mr. Godspower said in that his usual annoying voice. “She wants to speak with you”.
“Of course I know she wants to speak with me, but she is too weak for that now. And why is she not in the hospital?”
I asked, my temper beginning to rise. I could let just about anything slide, but not when it has to do with mama. I had no choice but to calm down when he told me of how she had had multiple attacks, dying each time and waking up minutes later asking of me. I found that really had to believe. But then I thought of her coldness, the eerie feelings I got in the room. Then I learnt she had lain still, breathless and lifeless in that same position until the very second I stepped foot into the house. She had asked to be left unmoved until I came back. I felt cold, goose pimples spread all over my body instantly.
To cut long story short, my mother died twenty-five minutes after I stepped foot into the house. Under twenty minutes she had said a lot enough to fill an eighty leaves notebook. In her last words, she had told me Mr. Godspower was not my father. He was a friend of my dad’s; He liked my mama so much that he sent his friend ‘my dad’ who secretly admired and loved her too to go woo her on his behalf; but my mother fell in love with him instead. The two friends became enemies. My mama took in and tragedy struck; my dad died exactly nine months into the pregnancy in a road accident. Mama had suffered alone trying to cater for my needs as a baby that she had to give in to Godspower pressure to come live with him so he can take care of her and the baby.
After many years, Godspower was yet to find a wife; his attitude and habitual drinking wouldn’t let the women stay and mama wouldn’t let him touch her. One day, he had come home drunk, tired of her persistent rejection, he had raped her and Williams was conceived. Descriptions of how to locate my dad’s family was given to me, but since they rejected my mum in her pregnancy, I see no reason why I should bother giving a fading generation an heir I thought in my heart out of sheer malice. If only I had let my anger die down and located my dad’s family like my mum had advised... here comes the regret again. Then I understood why Godspower had treated my mother with no respect and courtesy.
That night, my mama died finally for the fourth time with advices on how I should live my life the Christian way; the bible and Godly stuffs. I didn’t listen to her when she was alive, why now? Now I understand the adage of the stubborn fly.
That night I cried till there was no more tear to shed; my eyes popped and red. Nothing mama said went into my head. All I knew and could come to term with was that I had just lost the only person that meant everything to me. Even the man I had put up with his craps for decade because I thought he was my father was nothing but a stranger. We buried mama that night in the cemetery with the help of some goodhearted neighbours.
And that very night, I picked my things and moved to Bobby’s one room apartment; not that I had anything other than a box of clothes. I couldn’t stand staying with Godspower alone in that house even for a night; I was scared I would wake up, tiptoe into his room while he is asleep and suffocate him to death with his pillow. Bobby felt sad for me and was happy to receive me into his room. Quarter past four in the morning and we were still awake. I couldn’t sleep, I kept seeing my mama every second I close my eyes.
“what are you going to do? I can get someone to help me with the unfinished work at the supermarket.” Bobby said with genuine concern. I remain quiet for a while and Bobby knew what that meant. “You really think you are strong enough for it?” I held his gaze for some awkward seconds and nod my head.
Yours truthfully, Baron Chidalu.
Chidera Reginald.
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